Border Security, Economic Opportunity, and Immigration Modernization Act (2013)

So over the course of the last weekend I've been getting bombarded by a lot of questions in relation to immigration bill that passed through the United States Senate yesterday. The notable portion of the bill that got a lot of people pinging me for responses was the fact that while the bill had been passed, the clause allowing for foreign-born LGBT spouses of Americans could be sponsored for green cards.

As has been headlines or at least worthy of a paragraph or two, was the dropping of said clause from the bill in the name of getting it passed the conservative members of the Senate... namely the Republican members of the Senate.

Here's some questions I've gotten and answers I've given. If any details are misquoted or misinterpreted them, please correct me... my co-author, proof reader and fact checker seems to have wandered off as of late.

1. Can't you can still marry in any one of the states same-sex marriage is legal in and then sponsor for a green card through them?
• Nope! See my previous post to hear me complain about that one but under the Defense of Marriage Act or DOMA, the federal government is not required to recognize same sex marriages performed in any states, territory or protectorate. As such, even if same sex marriage is legal in 12 states, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Maine, Maryland, Washington, Rhode Island, Delaware, Minnesota and DC, along with civil unions in 8 states, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Illinois, New Jersey, Nevada, Oregon, and Wisconsin, the federal government determines visas, green cards and immigration law, meaning if passes a law, like DOMA, banning federal recognization of same sex marriages or unions as legal marriages, then its banned for everyone. If DOMA is repealed, then those rights could be extended to bi-national same sex couples.
2. Doesn't this law just protect illegal immigrants from Mexico?
• No per say, it actually has specific clauses to lift restrictions on immigrants seeking to enter the high-tech markets of the United States. Right now the current law, the H1-B, only allows a skilled foreign immigrant to enter the country on a 2-year visa for a total cap of 6-years. At the end they either can have a company sponsor them for a green card or return home. This bill will increase the number of qualified workers that can enter the country.
3. The bill only got through because they were going to require all the illegal immigrants to be finger printed.
• Not entirely, never lovable and always conservative Republican Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions tried to rail road that through but instead it was reduced to foreigners leaving through the 30 busiest international airports, in order to track those that leave or have over-stayed their visas.  
4. Won't this make it easier for your foreign boyfriend to find an American job?
• Yes and no. It does lessen the restriction by which companies can hire foreign skilled workers, it however does not release the limitation on the length of the resulting work visa. It also doesn't address the prevalent problem of companies actively avoiding the act of transitioning a work visa to a green card when the visa limit is reached.
5. Under the bill can't he seek American citizenship? Wouldn't that be better?
• This one is tricky but I guess the answer would be, would you be able to give up your citizenship that quickly? As Americans, we assume all foreigners entering the country also want to be American. It's natural given the whole 'melting pot' idea we learn about as kids. Is it really that easy to give up your home and nationality.

First things first, while I am very bitter the LGBT-clause was dropped and a sour taste is left in my mouth when I see pictures of the bipartisan Senators congratulating themselves on a job well done, the tiny voice of reason that is my conscience has pointed out that the bill could have helped some or none at all.

Republic lawmakers on the committee openly declared that any LGBT immigration protections would mean they'd kill the bill in committee and vowed if it passed, it surely would die on the Senate floor when time came to vote. This was the line drawn in the sand and the Democrats either had to accept it and move forward, or just give up everything and literally have months of legal research, networking, compromises and talks fall through in a matter of one week. Anyone who has tried to work their way through American immigration law will know, it is the most complex and insular system anyone will ever invent, next to the hellish monstrosity that is the American tax law. Few will have to wonder why many skilled and educated workers have no problem just staying to get an education or a nice job, but always end up retiring back to their home countries... its just too much trouble to deal with.

Notwithstanding this, while the number of bi-national same-sex couples in the United States number into the tens of thousands, the number of illegal immigrants in the country ranges into the millions.

As angry as it makes me feel, that logical conscience of mine whispers into my ear that it was the needs of the many that outweighed the needs of the few. Honestly, you have to admit that most gay couples in the United States tend to be more financially stable, more likely to be educated and most entered this country under legal visas that have just expired. Now I am not saying their are illegal alien LGBT people, I guarantee there are, but in general I would have to say that the majority of those being protected under this bill were those that were going to be the victims a kind of discrimination without any form of protection, a term that technically could be called legal slavery or economic slavery.

No its not some fancy word play, its a situation where an individually is barely paid enough to survive economically while being prevented from ever advancing under threat of persecution, legal reprisal or even punishment. Illegal aliens enter the country, yes illegally, but the vast majority usually are coming to the United States for a better life, then promptly find they can make barely enough to survive, with the constant threat if they try to fight for a better life and pay they will be arrest and deported, a threat usually thrown out by their criminally cheap employers in the face of a defiant immigrant.

Its an act of discrimination that was made illegal in America when slavery was declared illegal. Situations like this tend to however punish the victim and not the victimizer. Yes, those employers could be in a lot of trouble and certainly could face jail time, but many of those illegal aliens will face deportation, a fate that some consider worse than jail time.

The bill will help any illegal immigrants to apply for temporary legal status that allows them to live and work in the country within six months, then apply to get their green card in 10 years and American citizenship three years later.

This bill will also work to strength borders along Mexico, increase the number of H1-B visas and make it easier for individuals to attain citizenship.

Where are you From?

So this video 'What Kind of Asian are You?" by David Neptune and Ken Tanaka has been making the rounds on Youtube recently and by far I find it is the best and most humorous portrayal of what I like to call 'Ignorant Racism'. By definition, its not intended to be racist, just in trying to appear non-racism, you actually achieve what you intended to avoid. In the video the racist, if you want to call him that, is attempting to come off as worldly, liberal and open to foreign cultures while failing to flirt with the woman, in fact his attempt comes off making him look completely ignorant and a total ass.

But this topic, while funny for some, is one that has been extensively researched by others. While its not common in many countries, it is one that has been creeping up in the increasingly politically correct and culturally liberal people of America, where our 'great melting pot' welcomes all cultures... as long as they don't exist outside our preconceived notions of what different ethnic groups should act or look like.

Author Evelyn Alsultany detailed similar interactions and classification attempts that she herself endures throughout daily life due to her ancestry as being both Arab and Cuban, more importantly in her article 'Los Intersticios: Recasting Moving Selves'. Here she showcased several deeply personal encounters of how her race and cultural identity have been so tightly defined, that to exist outside of them is a near impossibility for the everyday person to comprehend.

I seriously recommend all Americans take a read of the article, it can be a real kick in the pants to those that originally thought of themselves as liberal and open... its the reason why I actively try to avoid asking the question... "Where are you from?"

Take a few minutes to read it here, I'll wait.

Alsultany's pain, frustration and annoyance is a feeling I relate with all too commonly and worry about constantly. A worry that tends to creep up not in America where this trend predominately tends to occur more along racial lines than cultural and more out of unintended ignorance or honest confusion than any true malice or ill-intent. Instead it is in my second country, Ireland, where I feel at odds at what defines me as a true Irish citizen and as an unwanted outsider.

In Ireland, most especially in my family’s ancestral hometown of Bandon in the south, people can effortlessly identify me as Catholic due in part because of my appearance. To many it is confusing, how you can be identify by your religion based on your appearance? In this case I quickly point out what do you think a Muslim or a Buddhist looks like, and instantly they know what appearance to supply; skin colour, accent and all.

Yet in what many outsider’s view as a a racially homogeneous country such as Ireland, hundreds of years of cultural and ethnic mannerisms have been defined on only the slightest differences. To be Catholic is as simple as the shade of your hair or the colour of your eyes. I am moderately tall, thin verging on lanky, ice gray eyes, near cream skin that never seems to tan and blond hair. Most people would call these features Aryan in appearance but in Ireland this is the look of the southerner.

When I enter a restaurant they see my face and smile, chatting with me and asking a whole array of questions out of shear curiosity. Having an American accent but speaking in the native slang they quickly inquire how I have developed such combination. I speak like a native, have no problem understanding the accents and never once ask them to slow down when they talk. In fact quiet often I have to remind them that I am not just some American tourist and they don’t have to dumb down their conversations for my benefit. This ease I attribute to my mother who until the age of four was a native and a vast majority of my extended family still remains bound to the lifestyle of farming or shop keeping in the central regions of the island country.

Yet when they inquire for my name I can always see the flash on confusion and even hostility when I half-heartedly mutter my surname... I won't repeat it here, the anonymity rules apply...

"You're not Irish," one woman actually scolded me as if I was some stupid child. "You're a northerner."

I've never been to the north, as the south calls Northern Ireland. I don't know anyone in my family that has. In fact my grandmother regards the idea in the same realm as jumping off a cliff, to do so either means your insane, stupid, lost a bet or all the above.

Among the Irish, although it has officially and publicly dwindled in recent years, a general animosity between the southern Catholics of the Irish Republic and the Protestants of North Ireland, which is controlled by the United Kingdom. Many see them as traitors, foreign invaders, turncoats and secretly undermining Irish sovereignty. To the world at large this is preposterous but to the natives, it is a grave insult.

Many people don't know the history behind the animosity between the Irish Catholics and the Irish Protestants, to the direct extent the English Protestants they descend from. Most play it off as old wounds and hate that have been forgotten to time. Some even think its funny, a good laugh and another example of how stubborn and repressed the Irish can be. Few realize that until no more than a generation ago that laughable conflict came very close to escalating to same level as the Palestine-Israel Crisis, with murders, violence, bombings and brutal acts of hate that all of Ireland now regards with deep seated shame. In the Brighton Bombing of 1984, Irish militants of the IRA set off a bomb, killing 5, injured over 30 and nearly killed the British Prime Minister, one Margaret Thatcher. It was only the fact that the old Victorian architecture of the Brighton Hotel did not implode from the devastating structural damage, that the number of dead wasn't near total and killing the always defiant Mrs. Thathcher.

We call these thirty years of violence The Troubles and though its name sounds melodramatic, it lead to over 3,529 deaths, half of which were people caught in the crossfire as the Protestant North Irish battled it out with the militant Catholic North Irish.

Few would say it today but I know one or two elderly members of the community who still refer to the IRA as freedom fighters, even if our hometown of Bandon is as far south as you can go in Ireland, making it the furtherest from Northern Ireland and the conflict zone The Troubles created. There people had the luxury of loathing the North Irish Protestants without having to see the damage done by both sides, to understand that terrorism leaves no victim free of scars.

The Troubles are however and thankfully regarded with a shame by most of my hometown, but that only helps to temper the hate, a cautionary tale parents tell their children and then roll their eyes in exasperation as their elders begin to spout their almost visceral hate of the North. I'm sad to say that few bother to correct their elders, age always denotes seniority and wisdom in Irish culture, second only to the church in the power and faith it is given.

Maturity of body does not always guarantee maturity of mind and old wounds always fester when they are not addressed.

When I try to explain this relationship and inherited hate, I get a few odd glances from my friends who's countries were also former British colonies when I explain it was because of the British colonization of Ireland that lead to all this animosity and fighting. They don't seem to be able to comprehend the idea that we share a common history, that through my ancestors, the few stories that have survived and several large tomes of Irish history, I can understand how it feels to be a former colony violently trying to free itself from a foreign imperial power and feeling a sense of national failure when it legally can not. They see a white man, claiming to understand the plight of their ancestors who lived among the British colonies.

A few have actually reacted with anger or scoffing laughs that I'd even think I could ever relate to them on that topic.

Few realize that Ireland was the English's first colony, before the Americas, before Africa, before the concept of a round world was really drilled into the public mind and the colonies in Asia began to spring up.

Ireland was the first test bed for an overseas British territory... we were 'colonized' first... and that carries not an ounce of pride it in... but usually is spoken with anger.

The invading Protestants of the 16th century brutalized and mistreated the ancient Irish, who were almost entirely Catholic with a fair sprinkling of Pagans. These new arrivals disenfranchised the natives and turning their ancestral lands over to British colonists, called the Protestant Ascendancy, predominately from England but a few Scots among them.  New laws were quickly enacted, baring land ownership to all Catholics and even Presbyterians.

These British colonists arrived in droves, the majority in the north, this would led to the eventual modern partition of Ireland into the Republic and North Ireland. They were more than happy to administer their new lands and the people that came with them, gleefully happy to civilize the natives, which meant working them on their farms as just a step above slaves, what you called in the contemporary world, serfs. The first act was to repress the Catholic faith, which in England at the time went against the teachings of Protestism and the faith of their most hated enemy, the Spanish. Spain attempted numerous times to conquer England in the name of their faith, leading to an inherent fear of Catholicism's spread in their country, even if it largely was misplaced. Spain was only trying to garner points with the Pope and Church, they were just plain greedy and trying to hide it with religious rhetoric... rhetoric that spawned angry prejudices in the English who saw the Irish as part of the Catholic fanaticism threatening their great country.

Sounds a bit familiar today, how a few bad apple Islamists can paint the entire faith as a danger to national security and sovereignty. Its one of the reasons I am very leery whenever organized religion springs up in politics, it is too often used to single out another minority and limit them in some form.

Anyone who know's an Irish man or woman knows one thing, we can be a stubborn people, we prefer to be left alone, almost verging on isolationist and we can take a lot of punishment before cracking... but never mess with an Irish person's faith unless you want that bloody nose...

Centuries of fighting, persecution and brutally crushed rebellions followed, coupled with the economic exploitation of Ireland's few natural resources. The English colonization radically changed the country. Most wouldn't realize it but Ireland use to be heavily wooded. The country is now the most deforested in the world, its forests used immensely by the arriving colonists for shipbuilding. The lose of those vast forests radically changed hundreds of years of Irish culture, who predominately were herders or isolated villagers.

Irish history is not something that can be looked at through rose coloured glasses, its something you have to read through with a strong stomach. The Great Famine of the 1840s, rebellions of 1803, 1848 and 1867, claims of neutrality during both World Wars, the Irish Civil War, the independence votes and trade wars of the 1930s only helped to cement some of these long standing beliefs, that a Protestant would sooner sell you out for a hot meal or stab you in the back if it got them ahead in life. While these tensions have dwindled in the more moderate and progressive regions of the country, such as the ever popular Irish city of Dublin, in my family's southern home of Bandon, those tensions are still unfortunately kept alive and prevalent.

And caught between that history of violence and hate, of clearly defined but unseen lines is someone like me. My surname is a predominately Protestant name, namely a Welsh and Northern Irish name, to have it labels you as a northern and as such, very much NOT Irish.

It gets even worse when I attempt to explain my patronage, my mother is Irish Catholic, my father is an America who was raised Protestant.

Like many bi-racial people face when having to declare their race or ethnicity on the US Census, one drop of Protestant blood automatically dilutes a long Irish Catholic family line that can be tracked back over 230-years. Great-Great-Granddad could possibly be spinning in his grave for knowing that his descendant, my mother... married a Protestant!

But it means nothing to many, they see me as just a North Irish, some of have even treated my attempts to convince them otherwise as a act of 'slumming' with the southerners.

Even if I was raised Catholic, went to a Catholic grade school, attended more masses then I care to count and read the Bible so many times I can see the words behind my eyelids, the mere mention of my surname is enough to sever me from the very heritage that makes me who I am.

It shames me to say that when given the choice to renew my citizenship papers and passport I instead took my mother's maiden name instead, a very common Catholic name that would cause far less confusion and annoyance for me in the long run. But to no end I feel like I have just put on a façade to hide myself from the constant annoyance of explaining myself, even more so from the anger of arguing my very right to call myself Irish in my own country.

Forests Atop the Concrete Jungle

Disclaimer: Because I mention my job in this post I am enforcing the anonymity rule with comments. Do not mention my name, position, company or office location. Any comments that do will be deleted. Same applies to me, I will NEVER refer to my position, company, its location beyond country, refer to colleagues or anything they say. I will also never post pictures, taken of either colleagues or on the office premise. In general I will be as vague or broad as possible with details! Thank you.

So today I am walking out of my new office (I love saying that!) and into the lobby of sorts we share with the other branch offices of our lovable, multi-national corporation to notice two construction workers drilling green leaves into the wall. Yes, you read correctly, they were drilling holes in a newly added facade wall in the lobby and plugging a ranging selection of grasses and ferns into each hole.

According to the rumors circulating through the oddly always crowded and bustling lobby, it is our corporation's desire to go green and add some life to our always open air office.

Considering my last two offices were so sterile they could have doubles as surgical theaters, this was a sudden change of sorts.

I have to say without a doubt... I love urban gardening and quickly noticed I was spending too long staring at the construction workers as they went about their duties... earning a few perplexed stares back before I head back to my desk after my bit too long bathroom break.

This is one rising trend that is certainly not a fad or theme running through Singapore at the height of the laughably obvious global warming debate (seriously, if you don't think Human activity is not effecting our world, play a game called count the extinct animals for just the last decade... it stop's being a game real quick). Singapore is one the country is actively making an effort to incorporate the ideals and designs of urban gardening into itself.

Every day I head out in the plaza that lays before our office, I get a glance up at the oddest skyscraper you'd ever see. It has to be at least 50-stories but its missing chunks, like someone cut entire floors and cubes out of the structure. From down on the street you can't miss these sudden voids of space, where you can clearly see the sky beyond and long concrete stilts holding up an amazingly immense portion of the structure above it.

You can also see the tops of trees growing up and out of those voids.

Yep, from down on the ground I can clearly see the green of leaves swaying in the wind and from some of the better angles I can definitively see those are tree branches, not bushes. There is literally a forest of green several hundred feet in the air.

And it doesn't stop there, the floors that do have continuous domain over their section of the structure actually have balconies and even pods hanging off of them, each with a fully grown tree or garden to support it.

On the ground it is about the same, any space that is open seems to be bursting with plant-life. Buildings are covered in creeping vines, tall palms cluster every patch of ground and special care is used to maintain them, to make it appear during your ride down the highway that you've suddenly driven into the rainforest.

When polled, almost 80% of Singaporeans voted for more urban gardens, more parks, less restrictions on community gardens and more buildings that actively incorporated a common area dominated by nature.

In fact, the idea is so popular the new EDITT Tower being built in the heart of the city will be the first of its kind, a paragon of “Ecological Design In The Tropics”. Read more here.

I will also admit I've noticed the animal life is missing and tragically I know that even these tiny patches of green are not enough to sustain Singapore's larger fauna. Birds are prevalent, a particular black bird with yellow cheeks seems to fill the niche of Pigeons or Red-Breasted Robins out here... the little buggers also squawk, not sing, so they're all the more noticeable.

But still, anyone who has lived in New York City will note the only real place where you can be considered in a forest is in Central Park, out in Brooklyn's Prospect Park or lost in the horrifying suburban twilight zone that is Staten Island. But these are all finely kept, with lawns that never grow thick and always look like they have been trampled flat into artificial astro-turf. Even the lakes and waterfalls in Central Park are fake, maintained by complex pipes and pumps that keep the waters nearly clear and always flowing.

Yet take one hour to walk around Singapore and you'll notice the residences themselves will install gardens anywhere they can, they will literally cast aside the well manicured lawns in some areas to establish gardens entirely planted in clay pots sitting on the aforementioned lawns, expanding these all the way up to the open air walk-ways in the HBD apartments you'll find the corridors lined with fruit plants and ferns. Plastic trash-cans are left out to collect rain water, which falls amply, and none are ever fenced in or vandalized. Most carry a greater variety of fruits and vegetables than any normal supermarket could conceivably hold either.

There are actually dangers to this type of gardening, as it adds some clutter to the hallway, making movements a restrictive when you stumble in from work or God forbid fire-fighters must rush in to put out a blaze. It can be fatal too, as reports of heavy clay pots absently placed on window ledges, balconies or too close to stairs have fallen, in one case a 12-year old girl was tragically killed instantly while walking home when a clay pot slipped from the window it sat in and struck her in the head.

But this is act of gardening in an urban landscape is a necessity I believe, Singapore's population continues to swell daily but the amount of land is less than New York City and more or less consumed by concrete. Atop this is the fact that Singapore is a single country by itself, New York has the whole of the United States to turn to for economy, work force, population overflow, disaster support and military/police protection. While economically successful, commercial agriculture is near impossible on this island, which hit almost completely urban only a decade or so ago, now speeding on to become a mega-metropolis.

You can really understand why Singaporeans make an effort to grow their own food, to return as much nature as they can when they have to build housing units, to keep their plants maintained with care and to avoid harm when possible, why they try to be as conservative as possible when they use water (Seriously if you shower longer than 15-minutes they start knocking to see that you are okay!). They are a nation that has to import so much from the outside world, including a far chunk of their workforce, while actively trying to be as independent as possible from the same world.

It certainly is a concentrated effort to maintain the semblance of nature in this otherwise city island, one that I wish every single American city would take seriously and begin to encourage their citizens to undertake. Support solar and wind energy, support community or personal gardens, support the usual of local plants in landscaping and to avoid plants that only grow to be beautiful for one season before they wilt in winter.

Be like Singapore, where a forest can be grown on a skyscraper, where a lobby wall can become a pasture, where even the hallway of an apartment can be a garden.

Caucasian vs. Chop Stick Conumdrum

So the one odd thing about Singapore that has begun to irk me since my arrival is the assumption that I do not know how to use chomp sticks. All you American's know them, they're those wooden things that get tossed into your Chinese take out bag, along with more soy sauce than is medically acceptable.

I kid... or do I? Cue dramatic music!

But in this case I can say I'm more pleasantly confuddled than irked then. When I sit down to dinner with a group of friends, the waitress place brings our food, say a bowl of noddles, a pair of chop sticks atop each... and a fork with mine. When I was at a food court, the waitress actually delivered a dish with chop sticks, then apologized, took them away and handed me a fork and spoon even though I didn't say a word other than "Ummm, what?" following the encounter.

I know it is glaring obvious how white I am, I mean in Asia, I'm literally sticking out like an albino on a black sand Hawaiian beach. Don't think I have noticed some of the much older and very young Singaporeans just outright staring at me, I instead enjoy to think they believe me as some sort of ghost or paranormal apparition, given my bleached white appearance and blonde hair!

I finally took note to this repeating chop stick vs. fork occurrence when my boyfriend's mother delivered lunch one afternoon, handing him some chop sticks and myself a fork. I instantly and POLITELY pointed out that I didn't need the fork, I could work the chop sticks like any person. I don't think in any way she meant it as an offence, more from the surprised look she gave me I think it instead could have been construed as she assumed I'd be more comfortable with a fork then chop sticks.

She of course obliged and quickly fetched a pair for me. Then as she sat with us, she inquired how proficient I was in the art of dining with chop sticks. I claimed no expert ability to using them, I mean seriously my boyfriend fries bacon in a pan with chop sticks instead of a spatula, so my skills must range down into the some what experienced novice.

But I guess over in Asia, everyone takes it as a accepted fact that Caucasians, especially Americans, are completely void on the knowledge of chop stick usage, along with our inability to speak any language other than English, our love of pop culture and our tendency to invade Middle Eastern countries. However given how widespread the Asia dispora was, almost every city in the world has there own China-town... or like New York City where we also have a Little India, Korea Town and one street that the Japanese are slowly expanding to take control of.

I did however note to my boyfriend's mother following our fork vs. chop stick interaction, how my late exposure to eating with chop sticks came about. During college, after coming back from a bar crawl, the only food establishment open past 2:00 AM in city are the take out Chinese restaurants, you know the one's with the inch thick bullet proof glass between you and the counter and a shielded bank-box they put your money into to get your food. Being as they only provided us with chop sticks and it was too far to take the food home to our dorms which didn't even have a communal kitchen, it instead fell to the arduous quest of learning to use chop sticks without any supervision or example from an experienced expert.

I do admit my first few attempts as a college freshman trying to use these wooden implements quickly devolved into pushing the food around the styro-foam container or shoving it right into my mouth or best of all, spearing an egg roll with one. It took several months before I began to actually use the devices as they were intended to be used.

Today I can use chop sticks.. adequately.. I don't have the dexterity or flashy skills that would allow me to fry bacon, cook meat or pluck a soup dumpling with a marksmen's eye. I however am good enough that a bowl of ramen stands little chance of lasting long, regardless if I'm armed with chop sticks or a fork... and now that I am in Singapore, its going to be chop sticks.

Completing My S-Pass Employment Application!

Disclaimer: Because I mention my job in this post I am enforcing the anonymity rule with comments. Do not mention my name, position, company or office location. Any comments that do will be deleted. Same applies to me, I will NEVER refer to my position, company, its location beyond country, refer to colleagues or anything they say. I will also never post pictures, taken of either colleagues or on the office premise. In general I will be as vague or broad as possible with details! Thank you.

Heads Up: This is a continuation on my blogging about applying for an S-Pass employment visa in Singapore. If you miss part one, scroll to the bottom of the page for links to the corresponding sequences! 

So for those that haven't heard of the "Boyah Dance" I have been doing it extensively in the last two days, throwing paper into the air and screaming like a shrill Banshee on crack. That is because I have officially been made an offer by a company.

I GOT A JOB!

Yes, only one month in Singapore and I've managed to lock down a position with a local company. Do not take my success as the standard, even I am a bit astounded I got in the front door that fast. A tiny part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only thing I can say is that my efforts to saturate every job application on LinkedIn may have paid off.

Sorry, as I stated in the above DISCLAIMER, my rule of anonymity on this blog forces me to hold my tongue on what my future job is, where I'll be working or what I'll be doing. Plus this is so if my future bosses stumble onto this site I won't be ripped a new one for talking about work in excruciating detail. So fair warning for my friends trickling in from my Facebook link, don't post comments with my name, the company name, office location or even my future title... it truly pains me but I will be deleting them.

Can't affording getting my lovable ass fired before I even begin!

So to help you guys who are also interviewing in Singapore, I'll walk you through the most important portion of job hunting process, finishing you Employment Pass Application, the equivalent of the H1-B work visa for Singapore.

Interview

When you interview with a company you are going to have to make clear from the start that you require a Employment Pass (EP) in order to work in Singapore. Getting this out of the way quickly can you get past a lot of frustration. I had two phone interviews end within seconds when I mentioned I needed a EP and they weren't interested. 

Easiest solution, just write in the summary section of you resume. You'll hear less responses, but you'll hear more serious responses. 

Don't feel put out, Singapore has over 1.2-million foreign nationals in the workforce and issued nearly 176,000 Employment Passes in 2011. Out of those over 15,000 are Americans, not counting their families. The government is currently pushing to have that number increased even further before 2020 and the only notable restriction currently is the Foreign Worker Quota applied to companies. This quota is split as such, 20% of a company's total employees in Singapore can be foreign, 80% must be Singaporean. In order to achieve a higher quota, they have to hire four Singaporeans for ever one foreigner. 

With an national unemployment rate of barely 1.9%, the lowest in the developed world, this is actually very easy to achieve for many companies. 

Job Offer

Now after you've interviewed with the company and they make an offer, you have to officially accept before they forward you the Work Pass application and your contract. They won't send you a thing until you speak the words "I accept the offer." Try to keep the confetti and fanfare down a bit, so no boyah dance before the future employer. 

Now you can download the application from the Ministry of Manpower website, but wait for the version the company is going to send you. That is because in some cases the company could fill in its corporate information (Big ID numbers that you can't hope to answer). 

The Ministry of Manpower claims that you should never send in an application that is older than 30-days, claiming that in that time the form could have been updated. Seriously, when was the last time a bureaucracy updated their forms? (Example: see DMV)

Best to wait for them to send you a copy, that is because as a company they are issued the Work Pass Application directly from the Ministry of Manpower the second they update. 

Work Pass Application 

Currently as of May 2013, you have to fill out the S-Pass Application (Form 8). It seems like a daunting and confusing form but here are some simple things I can go over to make it easier.

Section 1A to 2B

First off, in most cases Section 1A to Section 2B can be left blank. That is usually filled out by the company.

However the very top section your going to notice the application is going to be asking for a passport sized photo. Now this is not going to be the picture you took years ago at the post office that made you look like a drunk and cross-eyes (screw you, I had the flu when it was taken seven-years ago!). 

Instead you have to get a recent photo of yourself. Most malls in Singapore have a photo-booth to do that but if your feeling cheap like me, just get someone to take a picture of you with your iPhone in just a nice shirt. No one wants to see your pants, just your upper body. Then just re-size your fancy and glamorous model shot to the 25 by 35 millimeters standard (210 by 240 pixels if you want to be extra, super, obnoxiously exact). It doesn't matter if its black & white or color, but use color if you can because its easier to go color to black and white then from black and white to color.

Section 2C

Section 2C is where your going to begin, your not in charge of the company so mark No, and then if your applying for your first job in Singapore as an expatriate, check the first box, because you need both a work pass and an S-Pass. I can't advise on switching jobs, if you know, please comment below ↓.

Again you are going to notice the application asking for Company’s CPF Submission Number. Skip it, unless they tell you, your not going to find it without pulling a lot of teeth and getting really frustrated. 

Section 3

Section 3 can be skipped unless you used a employment agency. I did not, so sorry I can't add a thing. 

Section 4

Section 4 is where your going to start filling in your personal information, very self-explanatory. It's here you have to note if your married or not. Here is where you have to make sure you have a copy of your marriage license handy and if its not in English, a translated copy from your country's embassy. 

Section 4B is also where you need to add in your passport information. In most cases you'll note if you have a Hong Kong Special Admin Region, International Certificate of Identity, International Passport and Macau SAR Travel Permit. Again you'll need to make sure you have a copy of passport with the photo and the passport number visible.

Now the race section, that's normal on almost anything even if secretly I think its a bit racist and unnecessary  I pass it off more as a requirement for census demographics and statistics that the government just loves to gobble up. But the religious declaration portion, that tripped me up.

At first I took some offense to this! How dare they ask me this question! I am atheist but raised Catholic, yet I am very reserved about having to declare my beliefs are in any official capacity. They are my beliefs, I shouldn't have declare or defend them, I'd prefer to keep them privately to myself the way I am most comfortable with.

But in looking into the status of religion in Singapore I was oddly surprised. The population breaks into the following:

• 33% Buddhist
• 18% Christian
• 17% non-Religious
• 14% Taoist
• 5% Hindui
• 0.7% Other

The government does allow for religious freedom but it is also strictly secular and does not tolerate any religious discussion or speech in the public forum like advertising, political speech or protest, censoring it regardless if it is positive or negative as its seen as adversely affecting racial or religious harmony. I found this oddly comforting, back in the United States myself and the rest of the LGBT community are regularly denied benefits or rights by conservative Congressmen and several former Presidents under the guise of it going against " What God Intended". Now Singapore doesn't have many LGBT protections or rights but still it doesn't throw "God's Law" in your face when trying to have a political discussion.

Sorry, I ran off on an tangent again, back to work. 

Section 4C is where your going to fill out your residence information. YOU CAN NOT APPLY FOR A S-PASS IF YOUR NOT IN SINGAPORE! Don't worry if your currently holding up at a hotel or a friend's place but are going to moving out to a glorious HDB apartment any day now. You can just add in the employing company's address and they'll just forward the mail right to you there. 

Section 5

Here is where you can prove all that money your parent's spent on your education was worth it. The application ask for you to list the last two higher education institutions you attended. If your like me and think your Bachelor of the Arts (Journalism Degree!) is all you need to prove your smarts, don't worry, just leave the second batch of boxes blank. 

Again, make sure you have a copy of your diploma. I just took a picture of it and made sure to keep the wood of the table it sat on out of the background. A fair number of companies also require copies of your college transcripts and GPA's, so time to start worrying about those semesters of consecutive C+ grades. Most places will be happy with just a scanned copy of your diploma. If you don't have it, time to call mom and have her head over to the local copy center and walk her through the painful process of working a copier. 

The next part is Section 5B, Societies/Organisations Membership. Unless your a major member in a major political party or action group, like chairwoman of the National Party of Female Republican for Horticulturists with a Peg Leg, skip this portion. 

Section 6

This area is for your spouse to fill out if you checked "Married" in Section 4. Now regardless if your spouse is filling out there own S-Pass Application, you still have to fill this out. That is because if your spouse decides to be the stay-at-home parent or loses their job, adding them on your Application will keep them from facing a lot of headaches. Having your name and reference number on their application will ensure someone at the Ministry of Manpower will know not to sent out an order to leave Singapore or be deported when they see their no longer working. 

Section 7

Employment, this is where your going to be listing every job and position that you've held previously. For most of us this list won't be very long, for me it was only two positions in two years. Sorry summers waiting tables, you aren't applicable unless I used a college degree to get in.

You will have to fill out:

1. Total Period of Working Experience
2. Total Period of Relevant Working Experience

The first one, Total Period of Working Experience is how long since you graduated from college have you been working. Now for me, that's from October 2011 until today. Just use this Date/Time Calculator to figure that out.

For me its 1-year and 7-months. 

Now from this number you have to note for the second one, Total Period of Relevant Working Experience, is how long you've been working that can directly be correlated to the position your taking on. Since I'm working in the same industry this whole time, that entire 1-year and 7-months I can add to that part. If you've recently gone back to school to get a degree and are now re-entering the work force for a new job, sorry but your Relevant Working Experience get's scaled back unless you can toss in an internship or twelve. 

Next, you have to fill in the information on your future position your taking the offer for. That simply is the fixed monthly salary in Singapore Dollars (how much total your making with commissions , basic monthly salary in Singapore Dollars (the basic amount your making without commission), the job title and the office address I'll be working out of. So since I'm working for the same amount each month, its the same for both sections, then the name of my future position and then the location of where my future desk will be sitting.

Be careful, I sent in my first version with my salary and my previous salaries set for a complete year instead of monthly. That got the HR people sending me a confused email asking how I could possibly make so much in a single month... God I wish but that required a quick change and an email back that wasted time. 

According to Section 7D, since I'm a licensed professional like a nurse, lawyer or doctor (my mom would faint with glee if I was), I don't need to do a thing here other than check no. 

Section 8

This is your last part (Hooray!), and is pretty basic. Unless you've done anything drastic in your past, like been arrested, deported, forbidden to enter Singapore, spit in the Queen of England's pancakes (Fine, I'm joking), everything should be a No except for Section 8G, if your currently in Singapore.

Now since you have to be in Singapore to apply for a job, you can give one of three reasons what brought you into the country originally: 

• Study
• Work
• Other (Visitor Visa)

Because I am not already here on an existing work pass or here to study at a university, I have gone with the third option. I arrived in the country and went through customs, walking away with a 90-day extended stay visa. I just have to note that my length of stay is three-months. 

So after finishing Section 8 all you have to complete is sign your name twice, date the signatures and then your done! Everything after this is meant for official use or to be stamped by the company.

What to Add

Now that your application is done, let's confirm our checklist to make sure we have everything to submit. 

•  Form 8 S-Pass Application form: 
• Completed and Signed by Applicant. 
• Completed, Stamped and Signed by Sponsor Company 
• 1x Copy of supporting documents. REMEMBER: Non-English documents must be accompanied by an official English translation done by a certified translator, High Commission/Embassy or a notary public.
• Copy of recent Passport or equivalent.
• Recent picture at sized for passport. Pick any picture of yourself 25 by 35 millimeters, white background, in color or b&w. 
• Applicant’s Educational Certificates:
• Diploma/Degree Qualifications
• Registration or Support Letters from the respective Vetting Agency/Professional Body/Accreditation Agency. This is only needed for licensed professionals: 
• Doctor – Singapore Medical Council
• Dentist – Singapore Dental Council
• Pharmacist – Singapore Pharmacy Council
• Nurse – Singapore Nursing Board
• TCM Practitioner – Traditional Chinese Medicine Practitioners Board
• Lawyer – Singapore Attorney-General’s Chambers
• Football Player/Coach – Singapore Sports Council
• Support letter from International Enterprise (IE) Singapore (For application submitted by Representative’s Office).
• Official marriage certificate (For applicant with Singaporean spouse only).

Travel

Now a key thing to remember is the second you submit your S-Pass Application Form, whether sending it directly back to the employer or right to the Ministry of Manpower, the moment that application leaves your hands YOU CAN NOT LEAVE SINGAPORE until its approved. 

Every time I went in to talk to my future employers, they asked me repeatedly "Are you planning to travel?" I had to explain as humor-filled as possible and without a hint of desperation, that no, my glamorous life will not be including going anywhere in the world that can't be reached by local bus. 

Just remember, if you decide to take a weekend on the islands of Thailand, up to Japan to grab some authentic sushi or even  taking a care ride over to Malaysia for a little rain-forest hiking... you've just made a big mistake and could have reset your entire application process. That is because if you are not psychically in Singapore, your application is stopped, sent back to the bottom of the queue and has to go through all the steps again. 

I'm sorry but as it's been made clear to me, there are tragically no exceptions to the rules. 

So get ready for some weekends cruising the local malls because your jet setting is on hold for the time being.

Submitting

So with everything done, scanned, copied and filed away, its now time to submit the papers to your future employer to have them add in their own information, double check all your stuff and submit it to the Ministry of Manpower. 

And your done! Congratulations you've completed your S-Pass Application! It normally will take between 3 to 10-days to get a confirmation. Once it is, you technically can start working! In the meantime you'll have some documents to complete before heading off to get your official Employment Pass!

Read about the employment pass medical examination in the next post: Employment Pass Medical Checkup

For those that missed it, here is the complete S-Pass Application Process. Click below for:

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3

Job Hunting With A Shotgun

So my speed of posting has slowed, but can you blame me? You can... shut up then! I've been hitting the pavement running trying to find a job, literally in one case last week I nearly hit the pavement face first after almost taking a spill down the stairs at Raffles Place during a rain storm. Seriously, its like Singapore is a country that hates friction, I mean really almost all the apartments come with slick tiled floors, its as if the country was never introduced to carpet... but I digress on another one of my lovable tangents...

I guess that is going to be the topic for today, job hunting in Singapore. Or in my case, running down the street throwing stacks of my resume into the air like confetti.

Recruiting Agencies Vs. Recruiting Departments

As of my current experience I can without a doubt declare that recruiters both in Singapore or abroad and recruiting for jobs in Singapore are some of the worse! Now they are bad all around the world and I highly recommend just avoid them like the plague they are.

Just skip over recruiting agencies and go straight to the company's HR or recruiting specialists.

The reason is simple, the recruiting agency is working on commission and are only interested in filling a position with a body. They ARE going to act like your friend and butter you up just to get you in the door, enticing you with a position when in reality they have no intention of hiring you and are literally throwing you to the wolves to show they are doing their job. If you happen to get the job, then yippy, they get a commission... if not... yippy, they get salary!

Company recruiting departments on the other hand can be picky and stringent in their reviews, they are more likely to tell you even before you get in the door for an interview that you are not a right fit and thank you for applying. At the same time they also work in your line of business, are more likely to ask industry relevant questions and you'll be able to rapidly gauge the competency of the company you're trying to join.

I highly recommend if possible, to avoid recruiting agencies and throw your resume right into the face of the company recruiting specialists.

Late Interviewers

In most cases, your interviewer is not sitting by the phone with bated breath, counting down the seconds until you interview. They instead are trying to shoehorn you into their schedule while balancing a thousand different things. As I've noticed with Singapore, this is ten times worse.

According to at least a dozen of my friends, its common for interviews in Singapore and Asia as a whole to always start much later than they were scheduled and to arrive on time, but expect to have to wait. In fact, do not schedule multiple interviews in one day, if you can't, place at least two-hours between them, in addition to the time you intend to spend traveling there. That way if they run over, you're safe.

Do not take offense if your interviewer is 30-minutes to an hour late, take the time to grab a coffee, get some food, brush up on your notes. I had one female interviewer who was 5-hours late, then I took offense and professionally/respectfully/while biting my tongue, asked for a better time to talk.

Blitzing Hiring Process

Asia in generally has an incredibly accelerated hiring process, to the point where you're going to feel like you're being launched from a catapult! If the interviewers like you, expect to be called back as quickly as possible and for them to start the process of hiring you instantly.

When you go for an interview, go in expecting that you are going to be grilled on everything from the start. Don't think you're just going in for a casual conversation with an interviewer, but you are going to be sitting before the company CEO and expected to sound like a semi-articulate human being who doesn't drool on his own shirt or appears to be missing a chromosome.

It will save your ass in the long run when you don't have to review your notes every other second between interviews, can think on the spot and most of all, don't say "ummm" every other word.

Salary

Before you even begin the process of interviewing, make sure this is pay you want. Singapore, like many Asia countries, calculates salary based on month, not year. It makes your pay sound small but don't choke every time they tell you the pay. Remember that many government taxes in the United States don't exist in Singapore, so you won't be losing huge chunks of it to the massive social security and federal taxes that guzzle up your dollars.

Don't hesitate on the salary when being hired, if you don't like it and can't get it higher, walk away immediately. If they do like you they should and will most likely increase the base pay of the position. If they won't and you can't live with it, say thank you but no thank you and walk to the exit very slowly.

A key thing to remember, is once they make an offer you are expected to take it as quickly as possible. Waiting is considered disrespectful to many companies or that you're weighing your options with one of their competitors. Companies hate to feel like they've been played! They will retract the offer if you are unwilling to accept it almost instantly when its been made!

Employment Pass

Now for any Expat hunting for a job abroad you have to spend a lot of time studying the different visa's that you can apply for. Some countries can vary immensely, from immigrant meccas like Singapore... to backwards, confusing and outright concern immigration laws like in the United States. You have to understand what you are applying for to make sure you are not going to get screwed up in the long run.

In America, all foreign-born individuals seeking employment in the country have to get an H-1B and only then can use it for three-years, which then can be renewed for a total cap of six-years... and then you either have to get your company to sponsor a green-card or leave.

A concern number of US companies are instead letting workers go instead of transitioning them to a green-card due to the cost associated with it when hauling in a new H-1B worker or even an American is cheaper by leaps and bounds. Another rising statistic has been found also, H-1B workers are paid a lower salary than their American counterparts, meaning that some companies have started to use them as a cheap but highly-skilled source of labor. A source of skilled labor we then spurn by not allowing them to seek residence after they've spent 6 years of their lives here and send back overseas, where again a concerning number of them have begun to pop up in competing Asian companies.

Hint: The prestige associated with working at a US company quickly earns brownie points in most interviews for Asian companies. Working in a big city like LA or New York can also gain you a huge boost!

Again, another one of my tangents, but its something that personally grinds my gears.

In Singapore the visa process is incredibly simple, to the point where a simpleton like me can understand it. Through the Ministry of Manpower, a company can apply on behalf of a new employee for the following passes:

• P1 Pass: Make a fixed monthly salary of S$8,000. This includes any legally married spouse and children under 21 and can be extended to parents. 
• P2 Pass: Make a fixed monthly salary of S$4,500. This includes any legally married spouse and children under 21.
• Q1 Pass: New graduates who make a fixed monthly salary of S$3,000. If making over S$4,000, this can includes any legally married spouse and children under 21.

There is even a self-assessment test that can be taken in order to determine if your application for a pass would be approved. See Here.

Sorry to most but your score increases immensely if you have previous job experience and a college degree. With two-years work experience and a bachelors degree I came back with a "Most Likely to be Accepted." When I took this test two years ago when I was just about to graduate college, it was a big, red sign saying "Unlike to be Accepted."

This is in no way saying you will or will not be accepted for a work pass, you need a legitimately recognized Singaporean company to sponsor your pass in order to get it approved... Sorry I know nothing about how that works for the self-employed. 

Well that's all I can offer for those seeking employment in Singapore. If you have any questions or quibbles, you know where to find the Ang Moh... no, not at Denny's... why does everyone think that?

Attack of the Microscopic Millions!

Black specks, that is what I first registered when I pulled the cereal bowl from the rack above the sink. It was when those specks started to bite and crawl over my fingers I realized a whole battalion of ants had become enraged I'd disturbed there morning stroll.

Horrified, that is the only thing that my mind registered and I'm sad to say that foul thoughts sprang up about how my boyfriend's mother goes about her cleaning routines.

That is until I realized something that everyone has been nagging me about since I arrived.

Every time I had thrown something into the trash, washed a dish or left a dirty bowl sitting in the sink, everyone had been warning me to wash it clean as quickly as possible or tie it up in a plastic bag. That includes even stuff you're throwing into the trash itself. Ants in Singapore always find food... ALWAYS!

They are tenacious little things, leave any bit of food out and they swarm the area like the TSA does when a grandma flies with more than two bottles of shampoo.

Just yesterday I made myself a cup of coffee, though I'm a bit odd and actually like my cup of Joe to be cold, so after dropping a few ice cubes into it, I went off to a shower. Upon my return my desk was covered in these multi-legged invaders, scurrying around my mug, over my notebook, hell they were creeping out from under the keys of my laptop.

Seriously, I was dancing around the bedroom, shaking my computer upside down, getting a odd look of concern from the boyfriend's mother.

Now before you say anything about this being a tropical country and anytime you open a window in hot weather, you're inviting in bugs remember that this is in a fifth story apartment in Tampines, an otherwise developed area of Singapore know for its shopping malls, in an air-conditioned bedroom, all the windows and doors closed. These tiny creepers had to have made an almost titanic journey into an largely hostile environment and they showed up in regiment strength.

Singaporeans deal with this by trying to eliminating any items that could attract them. When you finish a container of yogurt, you just don't toss it. Instead you're going to have to wash it thoroughly, replace the top and then you toss it. If you're throwing out leftovers, you tie them in a plastic grocery bag. Don't expect to use the garbage disposal in the sink to get rid of your chewed on food bits, those are a rarity in Singapore.

There are some very simple ways to deter ants from using your home as a food court without having to call an exterminator:

• Cleaning: Clean counters with a mixture of half vinegar, half water. 
• Repellent: Add one tablespoon of a herbal oils like Peppermint, Lavender, Eucalyptus, Tea Tree Oil, Witch Hazel Extract into a spray bottle full of water. Don't use scented chemicals, soaps or cleaners made to smell like them, they almost never contain the real thing!
• Traps: Make ant taps by combining a two cups of sugar, one cup of water and two table spoons of boric acid (Borax). Borax can be found in most grocery stores as a cleaning product but the pure form is preferred  Spread it on a plate or something flat, then put it where you the ants most commonly appear. The result, the ants collect the Borax thinking its food, bring it home, where the nest consumes the poison and dies.
• Lock-down: Seal any holes or cracks in the kitchen/trash area, if you can't afford that or its impossible, rub cinnamon, ground black pepper, bay leaves, salt, chili powder or coffee grounds on the holes. Make it into a paste by mixing in water. (F.Y.I. this can cause mold if repeated too often so watch it!)
• Containment: Buy a trash can with a lid on it. Not a plastic one that comes with a little button on top of it to make it pop open but a real metal one, with a food pedal on it to make it open. If you have to put your weight into opening it, an ant is not going to break through this barrier easily. Get one that can also be easily washed, in case you spill food on it and the ants swarm, you can bathe it in chemicals to drive them away without fear of poisoning your whole family. 
• Beautify: Plant mint, lavender or sage in pots and place near normal points of entry, from vents to windows to sink drains. They look and smell nice, while driving ants away. 

For more examples, check out this site on WikiHow, they have a ton of tips. 

DISCLAIMER: Now remember every ant species is different (seriously, there are 22,000 species!) and while some of these remedies can work to deter some, it can attract others. The easiest way to avoid this is to use the first method I noted, just remove the sources of food that attracts them and be vigilant not to leave scraps.

You will quickly latch onto this form of religious cleaning very quickly once you pluck a bowl from the cleaning rack and find a black swarming puddle go scurrying across the counter! 

Three Year Anniversary!

Three years ago to the week I asked a certain boy out for a late lunch at the Cosi in Rittenhouse Park, Philadelphia. Barely a week later I asked if he wanted to have dinner with me and catch a movie, clearing stating the words "Would you like to see a movie... like a date?"

1095-days later, we are celebrating the third anniversary since I worked up the courage to send that faithful AIM message.

Here's to the my lover, best friend, punching bag, favorite chef, shoulder to cry on and the guy who's weird form of snoring I have come to adore.

Love you,
Ang Moh

Champagne, Midnight Stroller Walks & Plastic Fish Don't Mix

A bus has driven us through the downtown areas of Tampines, into neighboring Simei. From there its a train through to Outram Park on the East West Line that slowly drops below ground as we speed along, and from there to HarbourFront on the North East Line never seeing the rising skyscrapers above us, before finally riding the Circle Line train to Telok Blangah, an out of the way station that drops us right next to a strip mall and a highway walkway overpass.

The time between changing trains has been wisely spent playing a boggle word search type game on my boyfriend's iPhone, to mild success of distraction. The man standing beside us with too much Old Spice helped a bit as a diversion from our traveling, I'll remember to thank him if I ever see him again... yes, I do expect strange, somewhat affronted facial expressions when I do.

Its taken us over an hour but finally we've arrive... time to get smashed at our first night at Singaporean clubbing!

We arrive at our friends and quickly have to sign a permission slip to enter the building at the parking garage guard station, a bulky Indian man and his much older Asian companion who doesn't move from his chair. Both smell of sour sweat, having to sit so long in full gear and uniform, I can't fault their hygiene. After all, two men walking up to the post with a case of beer at the sundown could sound like a bad, Die Hard-esque movie just waiting to happen.

Upon collecting our friends, its now another vehicle hauling along our group, a cab driving us to... a club called the Buttery Factory... don't ask me why the hell its called that... I asked everyone but not a single one could offer me anything but a giggling shrug of confusion.

While still trying to wrap my head around this oddly named club, I nearly trip over my feet when I realize we've arrived in Marina Sands, the most iconic place in all of Singapore. What does this water-front boardwalk have that makes it possibly the most recognizable place in all of Singapore, possibly the world... that would be the grand Marin Bay Sands.

This 55-story casino is three giant towers rising into the air, holding up the Sands SkyPark, a hectare of open air land known for holding the largest elevated swinging pool in the world, well known for its infinity edge, the pool literally pours into oblivion.

My view however is blocked as we queued up to the club, or as all the signs say in Singapore "Please Q-Up" and to add to our confusion of the Butter Factory it appears tonight's theme is under the sea. It has to be one of the few places where Halloween is taken seriously. From bouncers to hostesses to organizers are dressed up as fish, mermaids and everything under the waves. It's always fascinating to see an organizer check your group into its table while trying to balance a full fish-head costume on his shoulders.

Inside the... Butter Factory's Undersea-themed party... the music is both an odd mix of American pop, a sprinkling of K-Pop and even a few remixed... including "Surfin' Bird" or as most people know it thanks to Family Guy's Peter Griffin "The Bird is the Word"... Google that I'll wait... fine, your now distracted by a kitten wearing sunglasses... we will have to continue on without you then.

Waiters serve drinks dressed as sharks, a merman in a skin suit (or a green S&M outfit, couldn't tell it was dark) welcomed guests at the door and foam masks are being handed out like candy to the club goers, a few of the more inebriated ones gleefully wearing them over their fashionable club going outfits.

The clothes worn are no different then what you'd see in New York, though even in the hot weather of Singapore you still see people out in jeans, knee-length dresses and long-sleeve shirts. Its as if the heat doesn't even register. Though a mid-afternoon storm did help to cool down the air, I can still feel the pricking sweat running down the back of my knees and that sticky feeling of your shirt getting stuck to your lower back.

We sit down to our table, said to seat twenty but after getting six of us on it, all the cushions have been filled and we've physically squeezed together in a way no friend should. I find the music a bit predictable and the drinks are not exotic or surprising, so I guess that's what causes my eyes to start wandering and observing the surroundings. Don't roll your eyes! I may not appear so now but I've been tempered and jaded to clubs and party life. I went through my clubbing phase, with such gusto and insanity that it would make the Jersey Shore's collective stomachs flip. Imagine the combination of an MTV Spring Break Special, mixed with the a splash of the raunchier bits of Showtime's Queer as Folk and toss in some cursing and nudity, plus a bit of random and confusing plots courtesy of HBO. Now compress all this into the span of only two years with no breaks, pauses or rehab and you can wonder why I'm barely on speaking terms with my liver anymore.

I'm trying to find something to catch my attention, save for attempting to hear my friends talk over the sound of the music, though our conversations quickly devolve into shouting spit into each other's ears. It's then that I look outside, maybe to catch another glance at the architectural wonder of Marina Sands Casino (so sue me, I'm an amateur architecture buff). Our table is right at the angle where the corner of the building blocks our view. Disappointed I let my eyes wander and then I notice the sidewalks... the sidewalks and broadwalks that aren't crowded with club goers and bar hoppers, but everyday people, predominately people pushing strollers or walking hand in hand with tiny, waddling children.

It's almost midnight and parent's are out taking their kids for a stroll.

I comment at this, more to myself because it is so unbelievable that someone would be out and about at this hour, the usual time that drunken stumbles and falls dominate the sidewalks. A friend happens to overhear me, I'm a bit buzzed on watered down beer so I can barely remember who it was, or even if she was in our group of friends.

"It's too hot in the day to go out," she said, splashing her drink a bit on me but I'm as bad so I don't notice. "When the sun goes down, that's when people come out to play."

And she's right. The sun in Singapore is glaring, usually in a cloudless sky that is only marred by the blitzing fast thunder storms. When walking down the street you last only minutes before the heat or the humidity has you in its talons and your sweating buckets. Its normal to see people detouring the long way around a park, just to stay in the shade, as if they are playing a game of 'Hot Lava' like we did when we were kids. If they are skirting around the edges of a tree's shadow, its normal to see people (mostly women but I've seen a few older men too) to carry an umbrella as a shield against the hot ball of roaring hydrogen in the sky.

The experience is somewhat surreal in itself, though that feeling could be from the combination of beer, whiskey and champagne... which at one point is being all consumed together in the same glass. The end result is a laughing stumble home and my great approval of my first night out clubbing in Singapore.

Update: I've established that my boyfriend's father is an evil genius in the morning, after he started playing country yodeling at stereo-surround sound levels... to the great horror of my hang-over stricken brain.

Quasimodo Has Escaped the Bell Tower!

It has happened! I have escaped the bounds of this Tampines apartment and managed a daring escape through the streets of Singapore, down into glowing boardwalks that ring the shores of VivoCity,  looking out onto the gleaming beaches of Sentosa, for a night out on the town... Fine, it was dinner with friends in a hotpot restaurant at VivoCity but still, I got to take the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) for the first time!

First thing to note about the MRT, every station has been strategically placed inside, beside, atop or underneath a mall or shopping center of sorts. So when leaving or coming, you have to brave the crowds of both shoppers, transients and everyday populous going about their day. At first it can be worrying trying to get up onto the platform for the East-West Line at Tampines Station, getting lost in the torrent of bodies as they surge in every direction, trying not to worry that every backpack, shoulder or elbow is going to smack you as it passes.

Yet the system has been designed to be as seamless as possible, so that riders can get through as fast as possible with as little Human supervision needed. The turnstilles are automated, only needing a 'credit-card' like pass to be passed over the reader, you don't even have to take them out of your wallet as you pass through. These cards are so much more economical and efficent than the paper/cardboard MTA cards like in New York, even transit tokens like in Philadelphia .. seriously SEPTA you're the last in the United States to still use that dated system and all your stations smell like pee so we know you're not using the taxpayer dollars for janitors.

Eventually however we get up atop the platform and the first thing you see coming up the escalator is the giant fans. These massive propellers are what provides air-conditioning to the otherwise open air station, swinging with four great blades that each have to be 10-feet long. Just standing under one in the hot and humid air, gives you a nice chill that otherwise would leave you sweating to dehydration.

Overall the stations appear clean, save for the little dirt or grim that daily foot-traffic inevitably creates. Singapore has incredibly strict litter laws, even new laws passed on smoking in non-smoking zones are intense. Between S$500 to S$1000 if you're caught on either!

Yeah, a lot of people have commented when I say that one, that it's so draconian and unfair to charge so much for simply littering or happening to smoke too close to a building. But you have to remember Singapore is an island, independent and significantly smaller than its much more massive neighbors. It is just a bit smaller than New York City, that's Singapore's 710 km² against NYC's 1,213 km² (that's with Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx and Staten Island). Also you have to remember that New York, with its 8.3-million people, has the entire United States to support it... Singapore's 5.3-million just has itself.

They are strict with their laws because the nation can't afford to waste important and finite resources on otherwise trivial things like people being too lazy to pick up after themselves. Take one stroll down a street or through a park in Singapore and you very rarely find trash lying about... walk three-feet in NYC and I guarantee you'll trip over ten empty plastic bottles, an overturned trash can and at least one piece of furniture... walk into a Manhattan subway station outside the tourist areas (like Harlem or East Village) and be ready for your nostrils to be assaulted by the smell of urine, gasoline and milk so bad its a day or so away from being good cheese. And to point out, such laws are rarely broken because after so long with it, most Singaporeans have a very clear image that you'd have to be outright stupid to do something like litter when trash bins line almost every avenue and street.

Oh and for you smokers out there, the weather is 80F and sunny all year round, so you literally won't be left out in the cold!

Back onto topic and into the MRT station, the next thing that will catch your attention is the gates that line the platform, a chin-high glass barrier of sorts that separate the waiting commuters from the incoming trains. Now in NYC, all the MTA gives you is a painted yellow line down the ledge of the platform, with a warning if you cross this barely-there line you're pretty much playing with fire when the train rolls into the station. To say it is cheap negligence is an understatement when you see these high-tech glass barriers and automated gates that open and close, to allow the commuters to board the trains in what many would consider a minor 'suburban' station. You quickly realized how criminally cheap the MTA is, how many people each year are killed, victims of accidents, fate or stupidity when they are struck by oncoming trains in the subway... how much an investment  now could protect the most predictable problem trains have faced since the beginning of their invention...  Human bodies do not fare well against a 25-mph train... they are obliterated when you add in how fast the express trains run.

No New Yorker wants to remember the horrifying picture of Ki-Suk Han mere seconds before the Q-train killed him, all because a drunken argument that ended with a homeless man by the name of Naeem Davis shoving Han off the platform and into the path of the incoming subway train. Or barely a month or so later when a mentally disturbed Erika Menedez shoved Indian-immigrant and long time New York resident Sunando Sen onto the tracks of the oncoming Queens #7 train, all because "he looked Muslim".

But I digress on another tangent, one that would flare in the face of any MTA-riding New Yorker when they stand on the platform at any MRT station. As the train rolls in and the glass doors that separate the commuters and their vehicle slide back silently, the rush of people again seems to overpower us. It is a miracle we find seats though honestly inside this giant machine its surprisingly easy. MRT trains are like the 'caterpillar' design, meaning that other than metal hings that move and mold as the cars coast around corners, the interior is just on long, cavernous hall with seats lining the sides, hanging straps for those standing and the occasional metal pillar for groups to cluster around. I have quickly vowed that if I can, I would love to one day sit at the front or back of one of these endless cars and watch as the white, blue halls before me warp and twist like some haunted fun-house. However given the high usage rates since owning a car in Singapore is very difficult, this is going to probably only happen if I get on at the end of the line AND at the very least, at 5:00 AM in the morning... yes, there is a 5:00 AM now!

We arrive in VivoCity (a slight detour to meet with a friend in Tanjong Pagar) and again we find ourselves climbing the endless escalators upward. Seriously, up three stories into the ground level, with another two stories of mall over us (seeing a theme here with Singapore transit), it creates a endless rising feeling, as if you are about to step off and right into the clouds.

VivoCity is probably one of the largest malls in Singapore and before you think of it, other than the food court, you could actually convince yourself you're standing in any mall back in America. The stores are almost identical, from GAP to Forever 21 and the prices are none too different from home. The way I understand it a lot of foreign travelers love to stop in cities like New York for the clothes shopping but seriously, I could not find any notable difference between the stores in Singapore and the ones back home like Oxford Valley or Neshaminy Mall.

Though some of their confectionary imports would be... odd... to some westerners. Exhibit B... see attached picture to your left.

I mean other than the high prevalence of Asia dining establishments and some weird choices of window display, again see Exhibit B, an American let lose in this mall without knowing he's in Singapore probably wouldn't register anything... yeah, I know, I nearly didn't register it!

Well more for next time, Ang Moh out!

Forgotten Sleep & 3G Plans

So my first official week in Singapore is almost over and what have I learned from my in my first foray into Asia? Very little surprisingly! Hey, stop being so judgmental! You get over a 12-hour jet lag in four days and see how bright eyed you are! My sleeping habits are already the worse on the planet, I tend to stay up all night, drink a dangerous amount of coffee to compensate and then repeat it to the great determinant of my health.

Also I'm not a morning person... I'm more of if you speak to me before coffee, or get between me and previously mentioned coffee, I am well withing my right to disembowel you while shrieking like a banshee!

So I guess that has been my quest for the week, conquering jet lag in only four days. Now if your on vacation in some foreign land, the thrill of adventure and exploration with the idea that you'll be going back to a hotel who will be catering to your every need can help to squash some of the fatigue. Here we aren't tourists, we are going native... when we are literally in a timezone the exact reverse of at home.

That's right, Singapore is exactly 12-hours difference from New York City, meaning that 1:00 PM at home is 1:00 AM here, meaning why at dinner time I for some reason have the taste for pancakes and coffee instead of the pork/chicken noddles we had for dinner.

Apparently there are a few easy steps to conquer or at least preempt it:

1. Fly west instead of east, you'll be going with the twilight and against the rising sun. Its easier to stay up late instead of going to bed early... I ended up sleeping for 20 out of 21-hours on my plane... very bad!
2. Do over-hydrate, do not over-eat. Eating a big meal makes you lethargic, where hydrating keeps you awake... I think coffee is hydrating... or so that barista at Starbucks tells me when I order my fifth venti non-fat double espresso skinny mocha latte... seriously that order is not made up!
3. Don't go to bed when you arrive, force yourself to stay up... air pressure changes make people tired, meaning that being on that plane actually makes you sleepy! Crafty ploy you lazy stewardesses.
4. Set an alarm, don't wake up with your body internal clock... you body will betray you if it thinks it can get away with it! Sure college keg parties have taught you that your liver is a vengeful bastard when it doesn't get its way but your in control, your brain is the real organ that leads... and the spleen!
5. Try to arrive at your destination at the start of their day, that way you can find distractions for staying awake more readily. 

At least two of these I did correctly... and failed horribly at the other 80 or so I didn't list. I highly recommend first time international travelers to read this posting by Wikihow author Jcomeau_ictx, his article on Avoid Jet Lag is the best I've found and the pictures are hilarious!

So now that we are passed the part on getting over my crappy jet lag what news do really I have to offer you? Well right now its job hunting and getting some local grub to eat... no they don't sell grubs... weirdos why would you think that! 

Holland Village is the local expat area for Singapore, located north to main bulk of the downtown region. Its not officially the expat area anymore, years ago I guess it lost the title as more foreigners moved out to the rest of the island but it still frequented by a far number of westerners... fine Caucasians! This is the first time I've seen so many white people since I got here, sure accents swung all over from French, English, American, that odd-Ikea language they call Swedish. 

And that is the moment I realized exactly why it seems every Asian person that visits, vacations, moves, magically appears in a cloud of smoke... goes right to the NYC Chinatown or/and K-Town. Inside I am actually excited and a tiny bit relieved to recognize product brands and restaurants, even foods that a simple glance at the name tells me what they are, not having to read the descriptions... and then have to ask for my boyfriend to clarify what the hell half the words in said description mean. Instantly I bookmark this place in my head and vow this is my new homesick retreat, where I will be found when my heart aches for some good old KFC or french toast, or nice cold hoagies (again readers that is a cold, deli sandwich).

This thrill of delight is however demolished as I sit down at the table with a group of friends, inter-spliced with native Singaporeans and their foreign-born spouses (a rising trend I and a with a dab of concern, the government, has taken notice to) that I get a text declaring that my phone card has S$0.01 remaining. 

Yep, that S$38.00 pre-paid phone card I bought from M1 not three days before is empty. A slew of curses followed, the kind that would make my Catholic grandmother's good morals curdle in horror if she heard. How much were all have those bastards been charging me for all two calls I've made? I'm fuming when my boyfriend asks what data-plan did I sign up for? I said none, I didn't want data until I could get a real phone contract from SingTel, StarHub or M1... that of course gets him to slap his hand to his forehead. 

"Do you have 3G on?" he asks me, I note to my pertubness, that he is perturbed. 

"Yeah, why?" I answered. 

"Because you never signed up for a data plan, you just bought a pre-paid card," he answers slowly. "If you don't turn off 3G or sign up for the other, the roaming charges will eat through you pre-paid minutes instead... and there goes S$30.00 well spent."

That is where I went wrong, being spoiled on phone contracts my whole life and having a smartphone since they first launched, it never even clicked until it was too late. Because I never specified what level of data consumption plan I was on, M1 charged me for out of my pre-paid minutes. Usually you'd pay one set price a month for 1G to 10G of data... around S$20.00 extra. Because minutes and data are not the same thing... the simple act of checking my email once wiped out everything in less than 30-seconds.  

That was nearly S$37.99 for all 10 MB of data... goodbye pre-paid phone card! I shall miss you!

So pay attention to my cautionary tale. If you want data but no 3G, turn it off... for those that don't know, on an iPhone its under Settings>Cellular>Off. After that you no longer have 3G and you must rely on the kindness of password free WiFi. 

Other than the jet lag and the my self-inflicted pre-paid phone card debacle, the days here are now being spent job hunting. I will try to get out and explore a bit tomorrow, hopefully without the boyfriend's supervision. If you hear about a crazed American being captured and bagged in Singapore as he terrorized the locals, you'll know my attempt was not successful. 

Until next time!