You Speak English, I Speak English, But I Still Don't Get You

It's always interesting to witness people from different countries interact. Often language is a barrier, sometimes a clash of cultures and mannerisms add to the confusion. However, it dawned on me that it could be just as difficult to comprehend one another even when speaking the same language as I witnessed some of Ang Moh's interactions with service staff at the M1 shop and Pizza Hut yesterday.

Sure, I understand that when we speak Singlish, it can be challenging for foreigners to understand, especially since the more 'power' the Singlish, the more interspersed it is with words from Chinese dialects and Malay, e.g., "Can you don't be so kiasu" or "Why is he such a kan cheong spider?" I have to admit that I have a soft spot for speaking Singlish, which I feel fosters a sense of community, especially when engaging in conversation with other Singaporeans overseas.

But yesterday everyone we interacted with spoke English. Yet, I found myself in the interesting position of having to translate English to, well... English!

Scenario 1: The M1 shop

Ang Moh wanted to purchase a prepaid SIM card from the M1 shop in Tampines Mall and spoke to the middle-aged Chinese lady (M1 Auntie) in her 40s about it.

Ang Moh: Hello, I'd like to buy a prepaid SIM card for my phone.
M1 Auntie: Okay, no problem. What phone do you have?
Ang Moh: An iPhone 5.
M1 Auntie: Okay, you need a nano SIM. This costs $18.

[No problems so far. I figure it would be helpful to have the M1 Auntie explain to Ang Moh how the prepaid card system works and purchasing data. I wanted to absolve myself of that responsibility, so I interject.]

Me (to M1 Auntie): Can you please tell us how to use the prepaid card, like topping up the card and using it for data?
M1 Auntie: Ok, sure. After you insert the SIM card you need to dial xxxx-xxxx to activate the card. Then you can make calls. For data, you have to ...

[The auntie goes on to explain the steps required in typical rapid fire Singapore English, hardly taking a breath between sentences. I understand her completely but when I look at Ang Moh he's shaking his head and seems puzzled.]

Me (to Ang Moh): Do you understand?
Ang Moh: Nope!
Me (to M1 Auntie): Can you please explain that again? Slowly?
M1 Auntie: [Sighs, stares at me then begins repeating everything she said again, while looking at me expectantly, as if imploring me to "translate". I stubbornly refuse to translate from English to English.]
Me (to Ang Moh): Do you follow now?
Ang Moh: Yes, I get it. I get it. [But I know he's still baffled and just wants to get out of the situation. I'll have to help with this later that day.]

Scenario 2: Pizza Hut

We were in the middle of our meal when we realized that we were only given one napkin for the two of us. Ang Moh beckons our waitress over to ask her for another.

She's a young Malay girl in her early 20s with the most interesting eye shadow design I've ever seen - two triangles drawn above the sides of her eyes which looked like she had let a circus clown do her makeup. It certainly had the effect of drawing my attention to her eyes or at least to what was drawn around her eyes! Ang Moh likened it to one of those moths with distracting patterns on their wings to confuse predators, which had me cracking up with laughter.

I let Ang Moh do the talking.

Ang Moh: Can we have one more napkin please?
Clown Moth Waitress: Huh?
Ang Moh: One more napkin?
Clown Moth Waitress: [Gives me a confused look. I smile back at her innocently, again belligerently refusing to translate from English to English] Wait, ah. [She waddles away and beckons to another of her colleagues who approaches us.]
Waitress #2: Can I help you?
Ang Moh: We only got one napkin, could we have another napkin please? [This time Ang Moh holds up the one napkin we have and points at it.]
Waitress #2: Oh, tissue. Okay. [Confusion resolved and she proceeds to fulfill our request.]

I would be lying to say I was not amused by these exchanges. Yes, I suppose in different cultures, we sometimes use different words to mean the same thing, and I now recognize that communicating in the same language across cultures requires some learning as well. It's a case of I say napkin, you say tissue; I say wife-beater, you say singlet; I say flip-flops, you say slippers. Why do non-Singaporeans find it difficult at times to understand when Singaporeans speak English, and vice versa even when both are speaking English?

From my observation, it boils down to the unfamiliar accents, speed of communication, and vocabulary. Now I can't wait to witness Ang Moh place his first order at a hawker stall, perhaps ordering a plate of char kway teow!

I'm earnestly rubbing my hands together in expectant delight. Tee hee hee...

Singlish glossary

Kiasu: Hokkien derivative, literally translated as "scared to lose"; typically used to reference someone who behaves in a very competitive manner.
Kan Cheong: Hokkien, Anxious.
Kan Cheong Spider: Term used to describe someone who is very anxious; Spider imagery represents someone with eight hands trying to do many things at one time.